乱扔玩具，怎么喊都不听，这个问题相当困扰Daisy妈妈。
对此，Vivian老师提到了一个词“边界感”。边界感有多重要呢？如果爸爸妈妈在宝贝上学前没注意，那么当孩子进入到集体生活，再“粗放”的家长也会发现有些“不一样”。
Daisy’s mum struggles endlessly with her child throwing toys and ignoring all reminders.
Teacher Vivian brings up a key concept to use: personal boundaries. Boundary awareness is vital for young children. If parents overlook this before their little ones start school, you’ll quickly notice clashes once they join group classroom settings. Even laid-back parents will be able to spot the difference.
左滑查阅英文Swipe left for English
很多新手爸妈面对这种情况，总忍不住“讲道理”，比如“宝宝不可以扔玩具！”“乖孩子要懂得收拾玩具呀。”
对孩子来说，这却属于无效语言，大脑反而开启了屏蔽模式。
Many new parents default to lengthy lectures, saying things like:“Don’t throw your toys!”“Good kids put their toys away.”
These statements fall flat for two-year-olds, whose brains automatically tune out long, wordy criticism.
左滑查阅英文Swipe left for English
那么，爸爸妈妈可以用怎样的“有效语言”和孩子沟通呢？结合2岁娃自主性发展和认知普遍具有“泛灵论”的特点，Sissi老师分享了几个“话术”：
“请你来帮助我一下，我们一起把玩具送回家。”
“大力扔玩具，它会痛，会坏的，我们一起想办法保护它吧～”
“妈妈希望你把玩具捡起来，把它放到xx去。”
简单清晰的指令和动作示范，加上富有参与感和成就感的“灵魂佐料”，孩子“连上信号”的可能性与效率就会越来越高。
Drawing on two-year-olds’ drive for independence and their natural animistic thinking (believing all objects have feelings), Teacher Sissi shares these effective communication scripts:
“Could you help me take these toys back home?”
“If we throw toys hard, they’ll hurt and break. Let’s find a gentle way to look after them.”
“I’d like you to pick this toy up and put it over there, please.”
Short, specific directions paired with simple demonstrations, plus language that makes kids feel involved and accomplished will drastically boosts their willingness to cooperate.
左滑查阅英文Swipe left for English
如果这样的指令当下效果还是有限呢？Vivian老师进一步回应：家庭可以定义一件事情的“后果”，让孩子对事物发展的预期有一个接纳程度。
“后果”其实是把规则前置。Vivian老师分享了一个特别棒的办法，也是金生老师们从IB课程文化中延伸出来的“小妙招”：既然班级里有班级公约，那么家里也可以一起做个家庭约定。
“例如常见的孩子看到玩具就想买，不买就哭闹有情绪的情况，爸爸妈妈就可以和孩子一起约定，什么时候可以买，如果每个月有2次机会（用2颗星星表示），用掉1次就要拿掉1颗星星，把它做成图表用可视化的方式贴在墙上，形成一个固定的仪式感。”
因为，学龄前的孩子图像记忆比较发达，可视化约定特别有利于帮助孩子遵守约定以及形成新的习惯。
If simple verbal prompts still don’t work consistently, Teacher Vivian offers a follow-up solution: clearly define natural consequences at home, so children know what to expect from their behaviour.
Setting consequences means laying out rules in advance. Inspired by the IB curriculum classroom agreements used at King’s, our teachers recommend creating visible family contracts at home.
Take the common issue of tantrums over new toys as an example: sit down with your child to agree on toy shopping limits, such as two shopping opportunities per month represented by two star stickers. Remove one star each time you buy a toy together. Display this chart on the wall as a steady family ritual.
Preschoolers rely heavily on visual memory, so visualised agreements make rules easier for them to follow and help build positive daily routines.
左滑查阅英文Swipe left for English
无论是孩子“听得懂”的语言，还是家庭约定可视化，都是培养孩子边界感的好办法。其实，还有个很容易被我们忽视的关键点，就是提前告知的重要性。
“家长躲起来不让孩子看见，问题会解决吗？”Vivian老师分享了她的观察。
经常有阿姨或爸爸妈妈，为了躲避孩子因为分离焦虑引发的苦恼，在把娃交给老师后突然“消失”。然而，在发现身边重要的人不见了之后，孩子往往会陷入更深的焦虑。
Clear child-friendly language and visual household rules both nurture boundary awareness. Another often-overlooked tool is advance warning.
Many caregivers slip away secretly to avoid separation tantrums when dropping kids off at kindergarten. Does this trick work? Teacher Vivian’s classroom observations say no.
When children suddenly realise their primary caregiver has vanished, their anxiety only worsens.
左滑查阅英文Swipe left for English
“孩子不是离不开你，而是需要一个心理预期。”
Sissi老师分享道，“对2岁的孩子来说，这个阶段的‘我’在变得越来越大，他们希望‘我’是有力量的，对周遭是能产生掌控感的，这是他们主动寻求安全感的表现。”
正是深知这一点，K1-B逢周一都会有一个特别的仪式：班级老师会和孩子坐下来，以图像化的方式与孩子通气本周的活动内容，比如周一会有安全演习，周三会有爸爸妈妈到访班级，周五有外出探究活动，等等，帮助他们从心理到行为上做好预期管理与准备。
Children aren’t afraid to be apart from you, they just need a clear mental heads-up first.
Teacher Sissi adds: At age two, children’s sense of self grows rapidly. They crave a sense of control over their surroundings, which forms the foundation of their security.
Our K1-B class builds this sense of predictability with a special weekly ritual every Monday. Teachers sit with the children and walk them through the week’s schedule using picture cards: safety drills on Mondays, parent visiting days on Wednesdays, outdoor exploration trips on Fridays, and more. This lets kids mentally and emotionally prepare for what’s ahead.
左滑查阅英文Swipe left for English
“这个年龄段的孩子对他人行为的情绪感知很强，但是解读能力很弱。”关于这点，Sissi老师和Ivy老师深有共鸣。
“Two-year-olds are highly sensitive to others’ actions but lack the ability to interpret feelings correctly,” Teachers Sissi and Teacher Ivy agree wholeheartedly.
左滑查阅英文Swipe left for English
老师们，你们怎么看？——“这是好事啊！”
Sissi老师和Ivy老师再次“一拍即合”。
这是因为2岁孩子的心理边界在不断分化、发展，他们正在经历自我确认的过程。
“不喜欢别人看他，说明孩子对他人非语言信号高度敏感且容易误解；不喜欢别人帮助他，是觉得别人打断了他自主行为的预期，为此感到很生气。这些都是孩子社会性发展的表现，也是认知发展的表现。”
What do you teachers think about this?
— "This is absolutely a good thing!"
Teacher Sissi and Teacher Ivy hit it off right away once again.
This is because two-year-olds are continuously developing and establishing their psychological boundaries, going through a process of self-identification.
"If a child dislikes others staring at them, it means they are highly sensitive to others' nonverbal cues and prone to misinterpreting them. If they refuse help from adults, it is because they feel others have disrupted their expectation of doing things independently, which makes them frustrated. These are all manifestations of children's social and cognitive development."
左滑查阅英文Swipe left for English
老师们确信，情绪需要一个出口，尤其是负面情绪，不发脾气才是不健康的。Sissi老师分享：“发脾气是在发出信号：‘爸爸妈妈我需要你的帮助，我表达不出来。’”
“如果说这有什么好哭的，孩子就会觉得‘哭’本身是‘错误’的，不能被接受的，慢慢地就会造成自我情绪的压抑以及自我表达的压制。发脾气，其实是自我成长的勋章。”Ivy老师接着补充。
All emotions, especially negative ones, need a healthy outlet. Suppressing tantrums is unhealthy for young kids.Teacher Sissi explains: “A tantrum is your child’s way of saying, ‘Mum, Dad, I need help, I can’t put how I feel into words yet.’”
If you dismiss their tears by saying “There’s nothing to cry about,” children will learn to view sadness as wrong or unacceptable, gradually bottling up emotions and stopping themselves from expressing inner thoughts. Teacher Ivy adds, “Tantrums are badges of a child’s growing self-awareness.”
左滑查阅英文Swipe left for English
作为成熟、理性的大人，我们可以做的很多，例如陪ta复盘，帮ta解读。金生老师有个特别好用的“共情+边界”四步沟通法：
共情—接纳感受—重申规则—提供支持
在金生为年轻爸妈举办过的一次家庭育儿工作坊活动中，新手爸妈现场开展了角色模拟练习。
他们后来达成了共识：先解决情绪，再解决问题，陪伴孩子面对和梳理各种情绪。
是的，我们要先通情，再达理。
As calm, grounded adults, we can guide children through their feelings by reflecting on incidents and unpacking their emotions afterwards.Educators at King’s use a simple four-step communication method balancing empathy and boundaries:
Empathise with their feelings—Validate their emotions—Restate clear rules—Offer gentle support.
We have hosted multiple family parenting workshops for King’s parents, where caregivers practise role-playing difficult scenarios. All participating families reached the same conclusion: address emotions first, then solve behavioural problems.
Always connect with their hearts before reasoning with them.
左滑查阅英文Swipe left for English
帮助孩子建立心理边界，还有很多的小tips，比如鼓励自主作出选择、打造情绪“小天地”、把安排“画”出来等。
在金生，为家长提供专业育儿支持与指导服务是我们的特色之一。我们会邀请校内外各领域专家以及作为“过来人”的资深爸妈举办家长工作坊，分享独到见解和有益经验；我们的公众号、小红书，也会持续更新各种实用的育儿策略。育儿路上，您有什么困惑呢？欢迎留言～
There are countless other ways to foster children’s sense of personal boundaries: offering small independent choices, creating a dedicated calm-down corner for big feelings, drawing visual daily schedules, and more.
Supporting parents with professional parenting guidance is a signature service at King’s Kindergarten. We regularly host parent workshops featuring early childhood specialists and experienced parents, sharing actionable, real-world parenting tips. Our official WeChat and Red Note accounts also publish consistent practical parenting content.
Do you have any parenting struggles along your journey? Feel free to leave a comment below!
左滑查阅英文Swipe left for English
